I’ve realized. A momentary epiphany.
How my existence, is a self repair system. I did not choose for it be this way. I did not decide what I would as a result of.
With every hiccup, stumble, heart break and minimal pathos – I felt it was natural to stoop to an all time low. This state of dazed numbness – this very grievous, heartbreaking, heartrending hiatus is the very foundation I would start building myself on.
I sincerely feel, I was destined to meet who I would – see , who I will see and embrace what ever or who ever came my way. I realized, when I have my most cherished memoirs taken away from – that very sense of being torn is usually the first step to re building myself.
It makes sense , to be learning to walk again . It makes sense to be learning to believe again. It is comprehensible to start at a point that may seem far below what you find acceptable. As long as I am not standing still – I credit myself to be wanting to be who I want to be. I think about how it would feel to be insurmountably happy and I intend to feel that way.
I am gracious that I have had eager ears and cautious eyes that happen to tred my way. Lest I set foot on my to self destruction, these ever serving hands have found their way into mine. They’ve set me free. Inspired to me to hold onto my sanity.
I’ve realized, change is the only constant and while crucial ‘living’ ‘breathing’ ‘speaking’ elements may change, with their roles having entrances and exits much like a play; They were to happen to you. Their journey never just meant ‘happening’ to cross paths. They were sent for a reason. Reason that even they cannot logic with.
I am one such element. My sole purpose, is to happen to others as they have happened to me. I do not live in a war stricken zone. I have ample choices to make. I make decisions. I have resources. I have so much hope. I have so much health, warmth and goodness.
While I recover from my ambiguous loss. I have realized, time and time again. I do not belong to me. My happiness, dreams and efforts do not belong to me. I cannot afford to be selfish. So much to create and so much to share. who am I to deny this to one who needs it just as I did.
I have realized, in sharing – i divide my misfortuned illness into self destructible pieces and have my joys multiplied. I owe my happiness to these ever serving gracious people. They have created impressions – leaving behind ripples of positive change. Reminding me, of how I must continue to be what was intended to be;
i am simply grateful. Simply gracious that you have happened and I promise I will too, to another person tomorrow.